Some people think you should be able to control your snoring.   They think that the snorer should make a conscious effort, or use will power, or not be weak, or be a man,  or suck it up, or belly up to the bar (belly up to the bar?),  or whatever, and just stop snoring.

The thing is, people who snore don’t know they’re snoring.   Of if they do, they become aware of it as they are waking up.  So telling a person to just will his snoring away is kind of like someone willing their hair not to grow (no offense to those of you that are hair impaired), or their eyes not to water, or their bladder not to …. well, you get it.

On this blog we discuss many  causes for snoring, and, hopefully, many ways to stop snoring naturally.   However the subject of sleep apnea keeps popping up.     A physician can (and should) diagnose sleep apnea, and then proper medical treatment should be implemented.

Simply put, a person with sleep apnea will, when sleeping, stop breathing for intervals of ten seconds or longer.  Then, with the body out of breath, the apnea sufferer gasps for air.  —–  Have you ever held your breath and counted to ten to get rid of the hiccups?  Try exhaling and then holding your breath and counting to ten.  When you finally breathe, your breathing does not return normally.  Oh, no, no, no.  You gasp and gulp and snort big time! —–  So does the apnea victim.  When his breathing jump starts, its with gasps and gulps and snorts   —-  only to return to a snore until the next apnea or period of non breathing.

Want to know what is really sad about this?  If you ask the spouse of a sleep apnea sufferer, they’ll  tell you the snoring is almost a welcome relief,  because it is so scary when their loved one stops breathing!

Treatment involves clearing the breathing passageways and then forcing air through them, usually with a machine that is much like a ventilator.  This machine is called a CPAP (see glossary), and  requires the user to wear a breathing mask (much like that mask that pops down on your airplane when you are about to crash).    The air is pumped through a hose up into the mask, forcing the patient to breath, etc. etc.

Since this makes breathing pretty much effortless,  the periods of not breathing, ( hopefully)  go away.  And the resulting gasps, snorts and churtles, and the snoring that follows,  go away, too.

Besides the medical complications, a person with sleep apnea is constantly tired, even exhausted.  Driving while in this condition is as dangerous as drunk driving.  And when the body is continually denied sleep, it will react by demanding sleep no matter the time of day.  This creates the drowsiness that slows reflexes, both physically and mentally.

If you believe you  have sleep apnea, you should be diagnosed and treated by a physician.    That is the proper way to stop snoring with this ailment.

 

Snoring is no laughing matter.  Well, most of the time.   The thing is, we’ve been having such serious conversations here, isn’t  it time to lighten things up a bit?  Sure it is.  And if you can’t laugh at yourself, who will laugh at you?

Wait a minute.  That’s not how it goes.  Well, I guess what I mean to say is, let’s take a funny look at ourselves:

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Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.   He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra strong sleeping pills.   Sunday night Bob took the pills,  slept well,  and was awake before he heard the alarm

 

He took his time getting dressed, eating breakfast and driving to the office.  He had never felt so refreshed and alive.

 

When he strolled into the office his boss was waiting for him.

 

“My snoring didn’t keep me awake last night,”  he told his boss.  ”I slept great and didn’t have any trouble getting up this morning.”

 

“That’s great,” roared his boss.  “But where were you on Monday and Tuesday?”

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Four retired deputy sheriffs, Daryl, Earl, Cecil and Bubba, went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room.

No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They all decided it wasn’t fair if just one of them had to room with him the whole time, so they compromised and voted to take turns. A different deputy would bunk with Daryl each of the three nights they were scheduled at the retreat.

The first deputy assigned to sleep with Daryl was Earl. Earl came to breakfast the next morning with with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. Earl looked like he had been in a war.

The other deputies said, “Earl — you look terrible! what happened?”

Earl replied, “Daryl snored like a freight train. I’m telling you, I would never have believed anyone could be that loud if I hadn’t heard it myself. There was absolutely no way I could sleep. I just sat up in bed and watched him all night.”

The next night it was Cecil’s turn. In the morning it was the same thing —- Cecil looked a fright. His hair standing up and his eyes all blood-shot. He was not only bleary eyed, he was barely cognizant of his surroundings.

They knew Cecil had gone sleepless, but had to ask anyway: “Cecil! Was it that bad? You look awful!”

Cecil said, “You’d look awful, too, if you had to try to sleep in the same room as 747! Daryl shakes the roof! I had no idea anyone could snore so loudly! There was absolutely no way I could sleep with that racket!  It got so bad it frightened me! I just sat and played solitare all night and listened to him snore.”

The third night it was Bubba’s turn. Bubba was a big burly ex-football player — a real man’s man. The next morning Bubba came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed.

“Morning, fellahs” he said. “Looks like a beautiful day.”

The other two deputies just sat there dumbfounded.

A few minutes later Daryl came down to breakfast. He was bleary eyed, his hair was a mess and he looked a fright.

Earl and Cecil puzzled over this and finally had to ask: “Daryl, didn’t you get any sleep last night?”

“Hell, no!” Daryl shot back. Just as I climbed into bed, Bubba came over and tucked me in and gave me a big good night kiss right on the lips. Man, I just sat there wide awake all night and watched HIM sleep like a baby!”